Ultimate Alignment

Last week I went to a wake. The time spent between the death of a person and the funeral.

Maurizio (my new guy) his uncle died.

He wasn’t sure I would want to go and see a dead body after what I went through with Fran’s death but I was like, “Of course I can handle it.”

Sure enough I went there and not knowing his uncle well, I could manage seeing him lay there in the coffin looking peaceful.

He’d died of cancer and the ending didn’t go too well.

His wife, who had once found her newborn dead in the cot, couldn’t bear to see her husband in the coffin.

She was hiding out in the back room where I paid my condolences. I could understand her pain.

As I sat there, I remembered many things about Francesco’s death.

I remember cleaning the house like a maniac for two days straight. It was my stress response and all I could do to ease my pain. He would have laughed at that since I hate cleaning and always insisted we hired cleaners!

I remember obsessing over which coat to wear and how to “look my best” at the funeral knowing all his friends would be there.

I was due to walk up the aisle as his bride, not his widow, but I spent the same amount of energy wanting to look perfect anyway.

I remember our beloved dog, Hachiko, sleeping under Fran’s coffin all night. How I would go in and check every few hours to find them both accompanying each other. The loyalty, the presence, the surrender.

I remember that only a few could visit Fran for the wake because during Covid a wake wasn’t really allowed….

And I remember how I somehow found the supernatural strength to go around the church and thank each and every person for showing up, one friend reminding me that even in his death, Fran managed to “bring us all together again.”

As I sat there with these memories, I felt grateful that Fran left the planet without suffering and pain.

I saw the pity and sadness on the faces of all at this wake and I felt glad that I understand something true about death….

That it’s the ultimate alignment back to who we really are.

That there’s nothing to fear, the pain is here.

I felt grateful for my insight that helped me navigate grief….

That we can use our memories to hurt ourselves or to help ourselves and that it’s best, in the interest of our own well-being, not just our loved ones, to use our memories to help ourselves.

To remember the past but not live there.

To remember the end but not dwell on it. 

To remember that in the end love still remains. ❤️