Care for Their State of Mind

"Love is to care for their state of mind." ~ Pranskys

To realise when the other is troubled or suffering and not to take it personally, not to make it mean anything about the relationship.

The very last argument Francesco and I had, about a week before his death, would teach me this lesson.

I remember being so frustrated with his complaining that day.

I lost my temper and told him to quit whining and "grow a pair."

He went downstairs in a huff and I went on a client call.

During the session I softened and suddenly it hit me...

“He is suffering.”

I immediately dropped out of the critical and out of the personal.

As soon as my call finished I went to Fran and apologised.

Without knowing it, I was now taking care of his state of mind, no longer adding to his suffering.

I was looking at how I could help.

This is love.

That is the best thing we can offer our loved ones when we see them troubled.

Later Fran asked me never to change, he said he needed this part of me that saw him as stronger than he behaved, that it helped him rise up.

In this way he too was taking care of my state of mind, he could see I felt bad about what I had said.

That would be the last time we fought and today a poignant reminder of love.

To care for their state of mind, to see when they are lost or troubled and to not make it personal with judgement, projection or criticism.

Picture © Heather Stillufsen