One Year On

One year ago already.

How much has changed.

This shot was taken on my return to our beloved town of Ostuni.

After Francesco died I was gratefully whisked away to another town to stay with family as I faced my shock and sudden grief.

I remember coming back to our beloved Ostuni 5 months later but with a heavy heart.

Still so tender from the pain of loss, of heartbreak.

Yet happy to be home.

In my spiritual home.

The home and life that we had created together.

So much has changed in these last 12 months.

I’ve witnessed myself engage my grief but not get lost in it.

Kind of like watching myself from a few inches away when I’m in those low moments and seeing that it’s all OK.

I’ve witnessed over and over the miracles of Fran’s love towards me.

I ask for his help on things and sure enough the manifestations, answers and guidance comes through.

He’s sent me new friends.

A lighter heart.

A new home.

More experiences of community and connection and collaboration.

I rarely feel alone.

Now he’s encouraging me to be back in my work more deeply,

I can see his big proud smile as he witnesses my clients enjoy themselves here on coaching retreat in Italy.

Francesco was a very proud Italian.

We’d be all over the world trying new things and he’d still default to “Yeah but in Italy….”

Reminding me that Italy had it better.

He loved his country.

He loved Ostuni.

He loved me.

Being loved like that changes you.

It breaks your heart open.

Even in his death I was overcome with the most profound feeling of love.

In that moment I understood our true nature.

Not intellectually but fully.

That love carried me through my grief and continues to envelope me.

Today when I get lost in worry or when I feel hopeless or lack faith in life, I remember that feeling of love, the truth of who we are at core and what’s guiding us.

When I felt that love in Fran’s death I no longer held a grudge towards those I felt had taken advantage of his kindness in this life.

I could feel deeply that all was forgiven and from where he now stands there is only love.

How hopeful to know that only love is real and all else is the illusion, the human drama, the story we make up and get caught in.

How hopeful to have a whole new experience of your old life.

This is how I feel 12 months on in our beloved Ostuni, the place I thought I couldn’t return to without my beautiful man.

I hope this helps you as you read today.

Don’t forget to invite your loved ones to help you, know that they are living in pure love and sending that to you now, regardless your human relationship experiences in the past.

Thank You all who have supported me as I navigate this journey.

Thank You all who have invited me into their community, their life, their homes.

I feel so different now.