Happy Heavenly Birthday

My beloved Francesco would have been 50 on Monday, Aug 4th.

Sadly I couldn't celebrate in the way I thought I might.

Instead my state of mind dramatically dropped.

I missed him with all my heart thinking about what could have been, what we would be doing to mark this milestone.

Also thinking about all the things I got wrong, what a bad girlfriend I must have been.

Luckily Fran didn't agree.

I asked him for a clear message about this in the form of a song.

He has always been good at getting through to me that way.

And at 3am I awoke to the words, "I found a love."

Immediately I googled this line and discovered it was a song by Ed Sheeran called "Perfect."

As I listened to that song I heard the truth.

Fran's truth.

How our love was perfect.

How he had found a girl beautiful and sweet.

How we were just kids.

My heart felt soothed.

Fran got through.

Our connection clear and deep, just as our love had always been.

I made a promise to let myself off the hook, to stop feeling guilty and to return to the beauty of our relationship, the love, the TRUTH.

This prayer is for any girlfriend, mother, sister, wife, lover who is carrying the burden of guilt after the loss their loved one.

I hope it soothes you. I hope you remember the truth.

In memory of Francesco, Happy Heavenly Birthday my love.

Fifty on Earth, ageless and eternal from the place you now play.

Dear Spirit,

Please release me from this burden of guilt.

I feel I didn't show up as best I could.

I know it’s all in the past but I can't see beyond my guilty thoughts.

Remind me of all the ways I got it right, all the times I did good.

Help me see the Truth.

Bring me to the light at the centre of my being.

Help me use my memory to support myself rather than crucify myself.

Show me my innocence, knowing that in the end I too am perfect, good and sweet.

May my spirit fly free and may my heart be light.

Amen.