A first for me to return to our home town of Ostuni for the weekend.
Still so magical.
So beautiful.
She will always be our soul home.
Everywhere I walked , I walked into us.
Memories of our times together.
Romantic dinners out.
Walks around the town.
Coffee at our favourite bar.

I felt Francesco right there with me.

It was also healing to randomly meet friends who hadn’t seen me since he died.
I’d felt a bit guilty about the fact that right after the funeral I bolted from Ostuni.
Leaving behind the memories, the house and our friends to deal with it all themselves.

It was the best I could do, somehow I could breathe easier not being there for a while.

Now returning I was met with love from people far and wide.
I even went to a few shops and for a moment felt like nothing had changed.

I was back doing what I always did.
Trying things on for size, encouraging the shopkeepers they can turn business around, even helping some make a decision on what to stock & buy.

A moment of insecurity overwhelmed me too.
Sitting with friends for some wine and hearing their plans for travel, summer and the future, I felt jealous of their planning.
They could plan together as couples.
Tears welled up in my eyes.

And yet at the same time I knew even if Fran was here we’d have made different types of plans.

My friends won’t take for granted the fact they can plan together.
No doubt my presence is a reminder to ENJOY the love they’ve got.
To respect and honour the one they’re with.
It’s all too easy to focus on the faults and what’s wrong.
I wish I’d been gentler on Francesco and I.

All in all it was a good trip for me to return to our white city.
The home where we found so much happiness, friendship,beauty and community.
I’ve even accepted to return for a little stay end of month.

Now I know I can drive the fast Italian motorway, I’ll venture out a bit more with Francesco and our precious memories by my side.