This past week I’ve been back in our hometown of Ostuni doing life as I used to.
My heart’s felt light being in the normality of everyday living once more.
I wasn’t sure I could ever go back to life the way it was without my beautiful Francesco.
But I’m learning that I must try, that the more in alignment with wellbeing I become the easier I connect with him.
I felt so close to him all week, right there in our old life.
Doing ordinary things I would have done alone and with him.
From seeing my beautician for massages and a spray tan….
He used to say :
“How many Mississippis did you get this time baby”?
His way of suggesting I may have overdone the orange!
To walking, dining and simply being with friends, even making new friends without him by my side.
I didn’t realize how much I’d pinned my social confidence on being in a couple, whilst we were both freedom seekers and loved our independence….
we’d never say “You can’t do that” Or
“You shouldn’t go there or see that person”
…We also LOVED being together and bringing people together.
Sometimes now when I’m with others, especially couples, I feel out of my depth, a bit lost, maybe even envious, this range of insecure emotions can grip me at times.
I look at them and wonder:
Do you realise what you’ve got?
Then I’m glad I know what I know, that whilst we can’t control our thinking we do have free will which thoughts we pay attention to or not.
This helps me refocus away from the insecurities and back into the present moment where everything is always perfect.
So, I’ve had a beautiful week doing everything for the enjoyment of it as Francesco taught me.
I also got to see the beautiful memorial his bike team have created for him, such a tribute, it warmed my heart because he’d told me in a dream that he was very happy about a “plaque”.
I wondered what plaque only to discover it was the one made by the team!
I got to access Francesco’s light hearted spirit being in a light heart myself and whilst that’s not always possible on the rollercoaster of grief, I’ll keep coming back to that knowing that he’s by my side encouraging my happiness and ever bigger smiles.