Sometimes I feel I’ve been left behind in this world whilst another more interesting world is waiting.
A world of deep love, peace, joy, freedom.
On my really low days when I’m missing Francesco, I’m jealous he’s there and I’m stuck back here.
Since he left I’m so less interested in this world.
All the things I thought it had to offer seem less enticing compared to the love I’ve been overcome with.
That love is all embracing, something I’d been trying to grasp intellectually for years only to be absorbed by it, embraced by it , even eaten up by it , the moment Francesco died.
Who knew loss like that would become a doorway to love?
Having felt that love and tasted it fully and realised the truth of who we are at core and what’s in a relationship at core, this world can’t offer much more.
I’m not saying this in a sad way I just feel that I’ve touched another plane that makes the rest look a little plain.
Does that make sense?
I’d been so caught up on the things of this world with my mind sometimes racing at the speed of light, I missed the love that’s always there.
On my good days that love is felt deeply now , connecting to my dogs, to nature , seeing signs of Fran everywhere.
Feeling our rich non physical connection & deepest love.
On my good days I experience grief without fear or extra layers of pain.
There’s a beautiful moment in each of my days called Il Silenzio.
It happens at 10.30pm each night here in Fran’s home village of San Vito where I now reside.
It’s the moment when the military signals the alarm for the marines to go to sleep.
Such a little thing but oh so comforting, a quiet ritual each night.
Some nights I’ve noticed it’s been the only silence in my day, I welcome that alarm letting me go to sleep, other nights I’m grateful that I’ve allowed quieter moments in the day , IL Silencio meets me with less of a relief.
Wherever you are now find some silence in your day, you’ll find that the love within you and others meets you there.
Know that there’s so much more on offer than what you can see with your physical eyes and most of all remember that the person in front of you is pure love and you are pure love, only the dialogue in your head can take you away from that.
(A very young photo of us around 2008)