Off the Hook

After the death of my partner I began to date another man.

He's a good man and takes great care of me and my dog, but with this man I met a version of myself I hadn’t known....

This version was easily angered.

Often insecure.

Jealous at the thought of attention going to other women over her.

Whilst I knew behaving like an Italian Drama Queen wasn’t really my style, I couldn’t stop doing it.

This was "insecure me" trying to return to safety.

It took a long while for me to realise that perhaps my behaviours were symptomatic of a woman in the throws of grief with a dread of loss?

For whatever reason I wasn’t letting myself off the hook in this area.

I was judging myself for my overreactions, comparing how I used to be in my former relationship, suspicious of my new man.

I didn’t like this me.

It was only when sitting on the beach one day with a friend and I was telling her all this, that with tears in her eyes she said:

“Can’t you see these reactions are because of your loss?"

No, I couldn’t.

Wasn’t I supposed to be over that by now, that was 4 years ago?

Based on all the coaching I had done and the spiritual teachers I followed, I had somehow not allowed myself to look at my behaviour with any sense of compassion for the past.

Even though if a client had been sharing something like this with me I would have easily seen it for her.

I had come at matters of my heart with my head.

But my actions were not congruent with my spirit and who I knew myself to be.

Loving. Empowered. Strong and Safe.

Something about my friend seeing me in this non-judgemental way, softly pointing out the possible scar still on my heart, let me off the hook that day.

I stopped judging me.

I started to enjoy my relationship more, being present with this kind man who had entered our lives.

I allowed myself to love more deeply.

When I would feel insecure I made it more about the loss than about me personally.

Life became beautiful again.

In what area of your life could you let yourself “off the hook” more?

Where are you being too hard, expecting yourself to be further ahead, "over it by now," stronger or better than you actually can be today?

Our expectations really get in the way!

Our understanding of Spiritual Principles can even get in the way!

It’s not that we don’t have the potential to be our best in any moment, it’s just that when we get our knocks in life, and we will....

Maybe, if even just for a little while, we’re allowed off the hook from all the ways we think we should be functioning, appearing and behaving.

Hope this helps today, especially for those of you going through heartbreak or loss.