I’ve been thinking about the times I made mistakes in my relationship.
It is something I’ve had to face more fully. When I’m tired it truly does upset me but my mentors have reminded me that I was doing the best I could given the thinking that looked real to me at the time.
About 7 years into our love, I started to have doubts about me and Francesco.
As a result I kept leaving the relationship.
What would happen is my thinking would get really loud about us and the future and the feeling I began to live in was insecurity & fear.
The best I could do at those times was to express my deep worry and eventually leave for a few days.
Something interesting would happen when I left.
I’d get RELIEF from my scary mind and settle down.
Then inevitably I would or Francesco would reach out.
We’d meet up (I never actually went too far) and I’d notice that all my insecure thinking didn’t seem to matter any more.
It was less loud.
He was very patient with me, many men would have taken it so personally but I really knew I’d nothing to worry about when he said:
“Babe I don’t care if you keep leaving for the rest of our relationship, I’ll be right here waiting for you”.
He could see it was my state of mind VS a problem with him or me.
This was so freeing.
It gave me the freedom to fuck up and still be accepted.
Talk about love
Now don’t be tempted to compare your man to Francesco! Many are doing that and missing the gift of the men they have.
Everyone is doing their best given the level of consciousness their living in.
Just take from my messing up what you need.
Seeing that when my state of mind was low, tired ,busy and in those times my constant habit was to worry about the relationship, made all the difference to me, to us.
So often it can look like the love is gone when in fact our thinking about the relationship has gone south, that’s all.
We have habits of worry about something.
I hope this helps you today.
I know it’s helped me greatly and allowed for a deeper love and understanding in my relationship with Francesco during the time we had left.